NB: Please be advised that I had NOTHING to do with this post. It is all the work of a feline with uh... Christmas in his heart? Well, something in his heart. Possibly tapeworm. Anyway, happy holidays! Be safe and well - and look after your pets. This is what happens when you don't...

A pet is for life, not just for Christmas.

Dear Satan Claws

Hi. Osky here. Just letting you know that I have been under the tree, and so far I am not seeing anything on any labels that says 'Oscar', 'spy cat', or for that matter 'mince' or 'treats'. I am sure this is an oversight on your part and will be rectified by Catmas morning, because if it isn't, I am seeing a lot of room for holiday sofa shredding in my future. Just saying.

It's a bit weird around here today. Squishy and the Opposable Thumbs are running around putting things in bags and none of it smells like my food, and every time I try to climb in the bags, they keep taking me out. This is not in the true spirit of Catmas, which is that people should pay attention to me and tell me how cute I look jumping in the bags. And then give me snacks.

They had better not be planning anything surreptish - surreptit - sneaky or there will be trouble.

I like you Satan Claws, but what's with the 'Catmas comes but once a year' hooey? Everyone knows Catmas is everyday, because we're cats. That's the way it is. Maybe you got it a bit wrong, and you decided to throw the stupid dogs a bone (hahaha I made a funny) for the day. In that case you should have called it StupidDogMas, and we could have all just gone to sleep for the day and woken up when it was over and they had stopped peeing themselves with excitement.

Note that down for next year.

Actually, Satan Claws, I need your help. I wanted to get something for Squishy, but I don't know how to get her credit cards out of her bag. The Opposable Thumbs usually leaves his lying around, but I think he's noticed the charges to catnippalace.com and is wondering where they've come from. It only took him six months. Seriously.

Can you bring her a present? Because she's a bit of alright. OK, bring the Thumbs something as well... I suppose he does make sure I don't starve when Squishy is busy. Just don't go crazy on his. Sometimes he doesn't feed me until 5 minutes past the hour, and that's just wrong.

Thanks, Satan Claws. You're the best. I have to go now. I need to do another round of the tree. I am sure there's a big Osky shaped present under there by now, and besides, those lights are REALLY BUGGING ME. They just keep flashing... and twinkling... and waving around... and I need to -